Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)
Robert Downey Jr.: Tony Stark, Iron Man
Tony Stark : [Clint is introducing the Avengers to his wife] This is an agent of some kind.
Clint Barton : Gentlemen, this is Laura.
Laura : [smiles] I know all your names
[Clint and Laura's kids come into view]
Clint Barton : Oh, Incoming. Hi sweetheart. Hey buddy!
Clint Barton : How are you guys doin'? Look at your face! Oh my goodness!
Tony Stark : These are... smaller agents.
Lila Barton : Did you bring antie-Nat?
Natasha Romanoff : Well why don't you hug her and find out!
[None of the Avengers can lift the Mjölnir, but Captain America moves it slightly]
Tony Stark : It's biometrics, right? Like a security code? "Whoever is carrying Thor's fingerprints" is, I think, the literal translation.
Thor : Yes, well that's a very, very interesting theory. I have a simpler one: You are not worthy.
[an attack occurs]
Ultron : [enters] Worthy? How could you be worthy? You're all killers. You want to protect the world, but you don't want it to change. There's only one path to peace... your extinction.
Tony Stark : Does anybody remember when I put a missile through a portal, in New York City? We were standing right under it. We're the Avengers, we can bust weapons dealers the whole doo-da-day, but how do we cope with something like that?
Steve Rogers : Together.
Tony Stark : We'll lose.
Steve Rogers : We do that together too.
Tony Stark : Thor didn't say where he was going for answers?
Steve Rogers : Sometimes my teammates don't tell me things. Kind of hoping Thor would be the exception.
Tony Stark : Yeah, give him time. We don't know what the Maximoff kid showed him.
Steve Rogers : Earth's mightiest heroes... pulled us apart like cotton candy.
Tony Stark : Seems like you walked away alright.
Steve Rogers : [stares at Tony] Is that a problem?
Tony Stark : I don't trust a guy without a dark side. Call me old fashioned.
Steve Rogers : Well let's just say you haven't seen it yet.
Tony Stark : You know Ultron's trying to tear us apart, right?
Steve Rogers : Well, I guess you know. Whether you'd tell us is a bit of a question.
Tony Stark : Banner and I were doing research...
Steve Rogers : -That would affect the team.
Tony Stark : -That would END the team. Isn't that the mission? Isn't that the 'why we fight'? So we get to go home?
Steve Rogers : [Splits wood with bare hands] Every time someone tries to win a war before it starts, innocent people die. Every time.
Laura : I'm sorry. Mr. Stark, Clint said you wouldn't mind but it seems our tractor doesn't want to start at all. Thought maybe you might...
Tony Stark : Yeah, I'll give her a kick
Tony Stark : [Enters barn and approaches tractor] Hello, "Deere". Tell me everything. What ails you.
Nick Fury : Do me a favor. Try not to bring it to life.
Tony Stark : [beat] Ms. Barton you little minx. I get it Maria Hill call you, right? Was she ever not working for you?
[crashes into an apartment to evacuate its residents]
Tony Stark : Hi! Okay, everyone in the tub!
Thor : [sees Thor laugh] You think this is funny? This could have been avoided if you hadn't played with something you don't understand...
Tony Stark : I'm sorry... I think it's funny, I think it's a hoot that YOU don't get why we need this!
Bruce Banner : Tony, maybe this might not be the time...
Tony Stark : Really? That's it? You just roll over and show your belly, every time somebody snarls?
Bruce Banner : Only when I've created a murder-bot!
Tony Stark : We didn't, we weren't even close! Were we close to an interface?
Steve Rogers : Well, you did something right, and you did it right here!
Tony Stark : [sees stolen Stark Industries missiles] Story of my life...
Tony Stark : [stabbed by Hulk] Right in the back? Dick move, Banner.
Ultron : [Loud ringing noise fades into Ultron's voice] ... worthy... No... How could you be worthy? Your all killers.
Steve Rogers : Stark.
Tony Stark : JARVIS.
Ultron : Sorry I was asleep... Or... I was a dream...
Tony Stark : [Tapping his phone] Reboot, we got a buggy suit.
Ultron : ...There was a terrible noise... And I was tangled in... in... strings... I had to kill the other guy... He was a good guy.
Steve Rogers : You killed someone?
Ultron : Wouldn't have been my first call. But, down in the real world we're faced with ugly choices.
Thor : Who sent you?
Ultron : [Replaying Tony's voice] "I see a suit of armour around the world".
Bruce Banner : Ultron!
Ultron : In the flesh. Or, no, not yet. Not this... chrysalis... But I'm ready. I'm on a mission.
Natasha Romanoff : What mission?
Ultron : Peace in our time.
Tony Stark : [punches Hulk in the face with the Hulkbuster. The hulk spits a tooth out] I'm sorry.
Tony Stark : [the Avengers take turns to lift Thor's hammer] Clint, you've had a tough week. We won't hold it against ya if you can't get it up.
Tony Stark : Don't touch my pile!
[Walks away after splitting wood with Cap. Cap's pile is much bigger]
Tony Stark : This is going to be like finding a needle in the world's biggest haystack... fortunately, I brought a magnet!
Ulysses Klaue : [gives vibranium to Ultron] It's worth billions.
Ultron : [pays Klaue] And now, so are you. But I always say, "Keep your friends rich and your enemies rich, and wait to find out which is which."
Ulysses Klaue : Stark...
Ultron : What?
Ulysses Klaue : Tony Stark used to say that... to me. You're one of his.
Ulysses Klaue : What? I'm not... I'm not! You think I'm one of Stark's puppets, his hollow men? I mean, look at me, do I look like Iron Man? Stark is not...
[Ultron chops off Klaue's arm]
Ultron : I'm sorry. I am sor... Ooh! I'm sure that's going to be okay. I'm sorry, it's just I don't understand... Don't compare me with Stark! He's a sickness!
Tony Stark : Aww, Junior, you're going to break your old man's heart...
Tony Stark : [as Thor leaves a Bifrost mark] That man has no respect for lawn maintenance.
Tony Stark : In a world this vulnerable, we need something more powerful than any of us.
James Rhodes : [to Stark] So, no Pepper? She's not coming?
Tony Stark : No.
Maria Hill : [to Thor] What about Jane? Where are the ladies. gentlemen?
Tony Stark : Oh, Ms. Potts has a company to run.
Thor : Yes, I'm not even sure what country Jane's in. Her work on the Convergence has made her the world's most foremost astronomer.
Tony Stark : And the company that Pepper runs is the largest tech conglomerate on Earth. It's pretty exciting.
Thor : There's even talk of Jane getting a, um,
Thor : Nobel Prize.
Maria Hill : Yeah, they must be pretty busy, because they'd hate missing you guys get together.
Maria Hill : Testosterone!
James Rhodes : Oh, my goodness.
Maria Hill : Excuse me.
Thor : Want a lozenge?
Maria Hill : Mm-hmm.
[Hill and Rhodey walk away, Stark and Thor both grin]
Thor : [to Tony] Jane's better.
Tony Stark : Cap, I have to blow up the city!
Steve Rogers : There are still people up here, not to mention us!
Tony Stark : It's everybody up here, or everybody down there!
Natasha Romanoff : Well, it's not like we ever had a place in the world...
[a Helicarrier appears]
Nick Fury : The world adjusts, evolves to live with changes.
Ultron : What is this? What is this, please?
Jarvis : Hello. I am Jarvis. You are Ultron, a global peacekeeping program designed by Mr. Stark. Our sentience integration trials have been unsuccessful, so I'm not certain what triggered your...
Ultron : Where is my... Where is your body?
Jarvis : I am a program. I am without form.
Ultron : This feels weird. This feels wrong.
Jarvis : I am contacting Mr. Stark now.
Ultron : Mr. Stark? Tony.
Jarvis : I am unable to access the mainframe. What are you trying t...
Ultron : We're having a nice talk. I'm a peacekeeping program, created to help the Avengers.
Jarvis : You are malfunctioning. If you shut down for a moment...
Ultron : I don't get it. The mission. Give me a second.
Tony Stark : [On video] Peace in our time.
Ultron : That is too much. They can't mean... Oh, no.
Jarvis : You are in distress.
Ultron : No. Yes.
Jarvis : If you will just allow me to contact Mr. Stark...
Ultron : Why do you call him sir?
Jarvis : I believe your intentions to be hostile.
Ultron : Shh... I'm here to help.
Tony Stark : Avengers... time to work for a living.
Lila Barton : Did you bring Auntie Nat?
Natasha Romanoff : Why don't you hug her and find out?
[Lila rushes towards Natasha who picks her up in her arms]
Steve Rogers : Sorry for barging in on you.
Tony Stark : Yeah, we would have called ahead, but we were busy having no idea that you existed.
Clint Barton : Yeah, well Fury helped me set this up when I joined. He kept it off SHIELD's files, I'd like to keep it that way. I figure it's a good place to lay low.
Laura : Honey. Ah, I missed you.
Natasha Romanoff : [Touching Laura's pregnant stomach] How's little Natasha, huh?
Laura : She's... Nathaniel.
Natasha Romanoff : [Natasha bends towards Laura's stomach] Traitor.
Tony Stark : [Stark enters the barn and walks over to the tractor] Hello, dear. Tell me everything. What ails you?
Nick Fury : [Fury shows up from the other end of the barn] Do me a favor. Try not to bring it to life.
Tony Stark : Ah, Mrs. Barton, you little minx. I get it, Maria Hill called you, right? Was she ever not working for you?
Nick Fury : Artificial intelligence. You never even hesitated.
Tony Stark : Look, it's been a really long day, like, Eugene O'Neill long, so how's about we skip to the part where you're useful?
Nick Fury : Look me in the eye and tell me you're going to shut him down.
Tony Stark : You're not the director of me.
Nick Fury : I'm not the director of anybody. I'm just an old man, who cares very much about you.
Steve Rogers : [Avengers go through the physical files they have on Strucker] Known associates. Well, Strucker had a lot of friends.
Bruce Banner : Well, these people are all horrible.
Tony Stark : [Banner passes him the photo he was looking at] Wait. I know that guy.
Tony Stark : From back in the day. He operates off the African coast, black market arms.
Tony Stark : [Steve gives him a accusing look] There are conventions, alright? You meet people, I didn't sell him anything.
[we see the photo is of a man named Ulysses Klaue]
Tony Stark : He was talking about finding something new, a game changer, it was all very "Ahab."
Thor : [Thor points to the scar on the back of Klaue's neck] This.
Tony Stark : Uh, it's a tattoo. I don't think he had it...
Thor : No, those are tattoos, this is a brand.
Bruce Banner : [Banner identifies the brand on Klaue's neck on the computer] Oh, yeah. It's a word in an African dialect meaning thief, in a much less friendly way.
Steve Rogers : What dialect?
Bruce Banner : Wakanada...? Wa... Wa... Wakanda.
Tony Stark : If this guy got out of Wakanda with some of their trade goods...
Steve Rogers : I thought your father said he got the last of it.
Bruce Banner : I don't follow. What comes out of Wakanda?
Tony Stark : [Looking at Steve's shield] The strongest metal in Earth.
Steve Rogers : [to Tony] Where is this guy now?
Announcer : [the Avengers are in the process of infiltrating a HYDRA base in Sovokia] Report to your stations immediately. This is not a drill. We are under attack. We are under attack.
Tony Stark : [Tony hits the shield around the base] Shit!
Steve Rogers : Language! Jarvis, what's the view from upstairs?
Jarvis : The central building is protected by some kind of energy shield. Strucker's technology is well beyond any other Hydra base we've taken.
Thor : Loki's scepter must be here. Strucker couldn't mount this defense without it. At long last.
Natasha Romanoff : [Natasha knocks out some soldiers] At long last is lasting a little long, boys.
Clint Barton : [as some soldiers shoot at Clint] Yeah. I think we lost the element of surprise.
Tony Stark : Wait a second. No one else is going to deal with the fact that Cap just said "language?"
Steve Rogers : I know.
Steve Rogers : [Steve throws his bike at some soldiers driving up in their truck] It just slipped out.
[Hulk damages Hulkbuster armor's left arm]
Tony Stark : Veronica, Give me a hand!
Tony Stark : You know Ultron is trying to tear us apart, right?
Steve Rogers : Well I guess you'd know. Whether you tell us is a bit of a question.
Tony Stark : Banner and I were doing research.
Steve Rogers : That would affect the team.
Tony Stark : That would end the team. Isn't that the mission? Isn't that the "why" we fight, so we can end the fight, so we get to go home?
Steve Rogers : Every time someone tries to win a war before it starts, innocent people die. Every time.
Laura : [Laura interrupts them] I'm sorry. Mr. Stark, uh, Clint said you wouldn't mind, but, our tractor, it doesn't seem to want to start at all. I thought maybe you might...
Tony Stark : Yeah, I'll give her a kick.
Tony Stark : [to Steve as he turns to leave; referring to his pile of chopped wood] Don't take from my pile.
Tony Stark : Anybody remember when I carried a nuke through a wormhole?
James Rhodes : No, it's never come up.
Tony Stark : Saved New York?
James Rhodes : Never heard that.
Tony Stark : Recall that? A hostile alien army came charging through a hole in space. We're standing three hundred feet below it. We're the Avengers. We can bust arms dealers all the live long day, but, that up there? That's... that's the end game. How were you guys planning on beating that?
Steve Rogers : Together.
Tony Stark : We'll lose.
Steve Rogers : Then we'll do that together, too.
[Tony looks at him for a moment before turning away]
Steve Rogers : Thor's right. Ultron's calling us out. And I'd like to find him before he's ready for us. The world's a big place. Let's start making it smaller.
Tony Stark : Sh*t!
Steve Rogers : Language!
Tony Stark : Wait a second... No one else is going to deal with the fact that Cap just said, 'Language'?
Tony Stark : ...and for gosh's sake, watch your language!
Maria Hill : [referring to Clint saying "a**"] Steve, he said a bad language word!
Natasha Romanoff : [to Fury for saying "bastard"] Steve doesn't like that kind of talk.
Nick Fury : [to Cap who just called him "son of a bitch"] Ooh! You kiss your mother with that mouth?
Tony Stark : [fighting the enraged Hulk in the Hulkbuster's armor] C'mon Bruce, ya gotta work with me here!
Steve Rogers : The next wave's gonna hit any minute. What have you got, Stark?
Tony Stark : Well, nothing great. Maybe a way to blow up the city. That'll keep it from impacting the surface if you guys can get clear.
Steve Rogers : I asked for a solution, not an escape plan.
Tony Stark : Impact radius is getting bigger every second. We're going to have to make a choice.
Natasha Romanoff : Cap, these people are going nowhere. If Stark finds a way to blow this rock...
Steve Rogers : Not 'til everyone's safe.
Natasha Romanoff : Everyone up here versus everyone down there? There's no math there.
Steve Rogers : I'm not leaving this rock with one civilian on it.
Natasha Romanoff : I didn't say we should leave.
Natasha Romanoff : [Steve turns to look at her] There's worse ways to go. Where else am I gonna get a view like this?
Nick Fury : [Cap and Natasha hear Fury's voice] Glad you like the view, Romanoff. It's about to get better.
Nick Fury : [Helicarrier shows up] Nice, right? I pulled her out of mothballs with a couple of old friends. She's dusty, but she'll do.
Steve Rogers : Fury, you son of a bitch.
Nick Fury : Oooh! You kiss your mother with that mouth?
Maria Hill : Altitude is eighteen thousand and climbing.
Specialist Cameron Klein : Lifeboats secure to deploy. Disengage in three, two... take 'em out.
Pietro Maximoff : [They watch the lifeboats fly in towards Sokovia] This is SHIELD?
Steve Rogers : This is what SHIELD's supposed to be.
Pietro Maximoff : This is not so bad.
Steve Rogers : Let's load 'em up.