Memorable quotes for
Man of the House (2005/I)

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Tommy: You see the taller blonde. Is that Anne or Barb? I can never remember.
Roland Sharp: HEBAT.
Tommy: What?
Roland Sharp: HEBAT. It's a mnemonic device: Heather, Evie, Barbara, Anne, Theresa. HEBAT.

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Binky Beauregard: [Sharp, posing as an assistant cheerleading coach, is looking dour at a game] Where's your happy face?
Roland Sharp: This *is* my happy face!

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Captain Nichols: [the girls have been fawning over mugshot books] I now know the hottie rating of every ex-convict in the western United States.

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Roland Sharp: [Percy and the cheerleaders have just finished their dance-off] Now that's old school.

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Percy Stevens: Who put that table there?

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Captain Nichols: I now know the hottie rating of every ex-convict in the western United States.

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Roland Sharp: I gave up alcohol about ten years ago.
Molly McCarthy: Didn't like yourself when you were drinking, huh?
Roland Sharp: Hell, I loved myself when I was drinking. It was the other people that had the problem!

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Heather: ...like in Full Metal Jacket? That's my favorite movie.
Roland Sharp: My favorite movie is the Sound of Music.

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Teresa: We were about to go all Buffy on their gringo asses.

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Roland Sharp: ...and you couldn't possibly be talking about my mother, because my mother is allergic to dogs!

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Teresa: I have to have my baby in America!

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Teresa: [Sharp has a pizza delivered at dinner, while the girls all have homemade salads] What is that?
Roland Sharp: The Carnivore. Pepperoni, sausage, ground beef, ham and olive loaf all gathered together in one savory pie. With jalepenos. Want some?
Heather: Yes. No!
Roland Sharp: Extra thick crust.
Anne: I can't, I'm on the zone.
Roland Sharp: What zone?
Anne: The proper combination of protein, fat and carbohydrates.
Roland Sharp: This combination here is proper as hell.
Barb: I'm a total Atkins girl.
Evie: I'm on Weight Watchers, you'll probably blow all your daily points with just one bite.
Roland Sharp: This baby has one point and one point only, and that is tasting good.

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Roland Sharp: [to the pizza guy through the window] Set the pizza on the porch, take two steps back, put your hands behind your head!
Pizza Delivery Guy: [Sharp comes outside, begins to frisk the pizza guy] Uhh... what's the problem dude?
Roland Sharp: If that pizza's warm, there won't be a problem.
[pays the guy]
Pizza Delivery Guy: [notices the girls inside] Dude, do you live here with all these girls?
Roland Sharp: Temporarily.
Pizza Delivery Guy: Dude, you're my new hero.
Roland Sharp: Imagine what that means to me.
[shuts the door]

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Teresa: I'll tell you something about this daughter of yours that you know nothing about, she must be severely messed up in the head from living with you.
Roland Sharp: She lives with her mother.
Evie: Why did your marriage fall apart?
Roland Sharp: That is one of many things you and I will never discuss.

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Teresa: You *clearly* don't know how to speak to women.
Roland Sharp: I know how to speak to women. I *clearly* choose not to.

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