Phillip Brainard:
If we were interested in making money, we wouldn't have become teachers.
Phillip Brainard:
I love you with every cell, with every atom. I love you on a subatomic level.
Professor Philip 'Phil' Brainard:
I was just gonna, you know, grade my lunch, eat a few tests and hope for the best.
Martha George:
[
about the excitement of getting married] How do you hold it in?
Professor Philip 'Phil' Brainard:
[
thinking she meant waste] Well, like everybody else, Ruthie. I just cross my legs real tight.
Martha George:
[
gets a little tickled by that answer] I was talking about your excitement.
Weebo:
Maybe you should just go without me.
Professor Philip 'Phil' Brainard:
Why?
Weebo:
Because I get car sick.
Professor Philip 'Phil' Brainard:
Oh, come on. You're not gonna blow chips.
Weebo:
No!
Professor Philip 'Phil' Brainard:
You don't have a stomach.
Weebo:
I have a queasy gyro.
Wilson Croft:
What happened between us, Phil?
Professor Philip 'Phil' Brainard:
Well, I just got tired of you stealing my ideas, Wilson.
Wilson Croft:
I'm not an innovator like you, Phil. I'm an adapter, and to that end, I have profited from your ideas.
Professor Philip 'Phil' Brainard:
Why are you here?
Wilson Croft:
Well, to be honest. I'm here this weekend to steal your fiancee. And make her my wife.
Professor Philip 'Phil' Brainard:
Well, I think you'll be sadly disappointed.
[
Smith and Wesson discuss the incident at Brainard's house]
Chester Hoenicker:
All right. One more time, what happened?
Wesson:
He took a golf ball. He rubbed this cream on it and then the golf ball took and...
[
Wesson makes a popping sound]
Wesson:
...popped Smith in the head.
Smith:
Several times.
Chester Hoenicker:
Mm-hmm.
Wesson:
I got hit with a bowling ball.
Smith:
Repeatedly.
Chester Hoenicker:
Were you drinking?
Wesson:
No.
Smith:
Two bears at dinner. Wesson had a white wine.
Wesson:
With dinner.
Chester Hoenicker:
Right.
Wesson:
It's this stuff he's got, sir. Its... I don't know what it is. I don't know where it come from, but...
[
Smith and Wesson both sigh]
Wesson:
...It will give you one heck of a headache.
Chester Hoenicker:
Oh... goodness.
[
after two of Brainard's balls hit Smith and Wesson while testing the Flubber]
Phillip Brainard:
[
high-pitched voice] This definitely has applications in the field of sports. Ho, ho, ho! Yes!
Rutland Coach:
Hey, are you blind? They're doin' something illegal out there.
Assistant Coach:
Coach, nowhere in the rule book does it say anything about jumpin' too high. Now sit down!
Father:
There's not a darn thing to be afraid of, pal. How can anything get in your window? It's closed, OK?
[
Flubber crashes through the neighbor's window, bounces around and the boy covers himself in a blanket]
[
Brainard and Reynolds are visiting Hoenicker to discuss the Flubber]
Chester Hoenicker:
You came to repay your loan?
Phillip Brainard:
No.
Chester Hoenicker:
I know you didn't. I was just having a little fun.
Phillip Brainard:
I'm here to sell you the Flubber.
Chester Hoenicker:
You been to your house recently?
Phillip Brainard:
Yes.
Chester Hoenicker:
Do I really need to buy it?
Phillip Brainard:
Flubber's a very quixotic substance. It's very difficult to handle. Have you tried to do anything with it?
Chester Hoenicker:
My man is working on it. It won't be a problem.
Phillip Brainard:
Well, I could make it a lot easier for you. If you give us a 30 day extension on the loan, I'll tell you everything I know... and make you a great deal of Flubber.
Chester Hoenicker:
I'll give you the 30 days, and after that you give me two years. Whatever you come up with over the next two years is mine.
Sara Reynolds:
That's not fair.
Chester Hoenicker:
Shop somewhere else, lady.
Phillip Brainard:
Sara. Sara. I'll do it.
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